I've also come back to the subject of allowing.
As I wrote last week, the message of allowing is appearing in my experience time and time again. Again in yoga class this week, the message was to allow.
Allow your muscles to relax into the pose...
Allow your breath to flow effortlessly throughout the challenge of the asana...
Allow yourself to be stronger or weaker today than you were yesterday.
I've also noticed the same message in old blog posts that I've written. A few days ago, I returned to this post from February of last year entitled: Meeting you where you are.
The post reminded me to accept myself where I was. In that acceptance, the miracle occurs where something or someone could meet me in that space and allow my limited beliefs to be pushed further than I'd ever expected.
A few things from the post stood out as relevant to me today:
Love meets you where you are too.
But no matter what you know, you cannot pretend to be anything other than who you are.
And my favorite part of the entire post (written months before Gentleman Jack entered my life):
I've now come to realize that in order for a real relationship to work, it has to be easy. It has to fit, like a perfect puzzle piece. It has to meet me, and accept me, right where I am right now.
And I have to offer that same acceptance to myself.
When love does fit, it defies all plans, all logic, all choices that we made prior.
Both of you have to be in that same space, recognizing that light in each other. It cannot happen with only one or it does not happen at all.
In recognizing that light, in seeing each other beyond form, true love really shines. Our combined light, shared, can be as blinding as the brightest star.
I do know all of this. I have many opportunities to remember this as well. Unfortunately however, my first reaction in most situations is fear. I still find that I have a dire need to control or force or lay my judgments upon an experience. Instead of allowing it to play out differently, I will take stories from my past experience and decide the future outcome of a situation. Thankfully, I am at least aware of it sometime shortly after it occurs. That is my opportunity to choose again.
A situation arose over this past weekend with Gentleman Jack that left me reacting in an "Aha! I knew you were too good to be true! You're just like every other man!", ugly, angry, I-need-to-be-right kind of way. I shut off, grumbling to myself. I attempted to stay hidden by stalling longer while getting dressed. I went, once again, passive aggressive.
I recognized the disturbance in my mind a few minutes later.
When I recognized that I was withdrawing, I immediately asked to see it differently. I was willing to release my judgments of the situation and to see the love instead. I accepted that I was viewing this situation through past pain and did my best to allow the goodness in while sending healing thoughts to the wounds in my past. I still struggled in those moments and did my best to hide the irritation when my Gentleman came in to check on me.
Wouldn't you know it? He could sense my struggle. (Duh. As always.)
Gently, he addressed the situation with love, validation, kindness and honesty. Once I was able to have it brought out into the open, I laughed at the hilarity of my judgments. I was able to feel love in that moment.
Gentleman Jack met me where I was.
When he met me there, in that small, sad and angry place, I had to let him in. I wanted him there but was too ashamed to ask for his love. He offered it, willingly, and in that offering, I allowed him to prove me wrong about the kind of man he was. In the acceptance of where I was and the allowing of the goodness, the miracle occurred yet again.
He showed up as a completely different person than I expected him to be.
I am grateful for the ability to question my own judgments in a situation and the little willingness to see it differently. I am thankful for an intuitive man who is willing to address a situation when he could have easily left me to sulk in my own righteousness. I am happy that he took the time to offer me acceptance, despite my unquestionably passive aggressive behavior.
I love to see the proving of the motto I've learned to live by:
Acceptance creates miracles.
And I'm blessed to see it play out over and over again.