Sunday, March 28, 2010

Plans... and babies

Tomorrow is 4 years since I asked my ex-husband to leave. For four years, I have been a single parent. When I think back and imagine that my children were 4 and 1 at the time... and I had no job and a huge, impossible mortgage... I wonder, "What in the hell was I thinking?!"


God apparently had other plans for me...


Speaking of plans, one of the regrets of my failed marriage was that I always wanted to have a third child. Now, it is 4 years later, I'm 40 and I'm thinking, "Yep. That's it. I'm done."

Did you hear that? Yep, baby-factory doors are closed.

The only problem is: that's easier said than done.

I may be 40 and thinking I don't want to have another baby but my body is still able to produce an egg. And Gentleman Jack is still makin' sperm. So....

The past few weeks, I've been in heavy discussions with my ob/gyn about birth control. I've had the Mirena IUD since Grace was born. I haven't had a single problem with it. As a matter of fact, I love it and wish I could keep it until I reach menopause!

(For the record, Gentleman Jack and I both were tested for STD's before we began having condom-less sex. I think its very important for health reasons. And it also helped build a LOT of trust between us.)

Unfortunately, the Mirena runs its course after 5 years. Now that it is time for a replacement, Merck has decided to increase the price of the Mirena and my insurance will not cover it. Therefore my options are to go back to pills, patches, rings and such (no thank you), get the copper Paragard IUD or get the Essure permanent birth control. Paragard lasts for 10 years and is non-hormonal. I'm considering it over the Essure even though I've heard that it takes some getting used to.

Gentleman Jack has also been toying with the idea of a vasectomy. However, either way, I would still like to have my own birth control options covered.

I guess I'm a little nervous because of a trend I've noticed lately.


I have known 3 different single mothers in the past year who have re-married, moved-in or are planning weddings with their new love, and have become pregnant.

My friend Tisha had her baby boy last week. She found that she was pregnant within a few months of marrying her second husband.

Martini Mom
's long distance love finally moved in with her. Soon, she found that she too was with child. (I also love the way she explained it to her child.)

PT-Law Mom is planning a wedding with her fiancee, Mr V. Now she has to sell her dress and possibly change the wedding date because of a surprise pregnancy.


Is it in the water? Yikes.

What about any of you? Are you finished having children? Have you considered that your birth control could fail as it did in the above scenarios?

Even though my daughters have begged me for another baby, I'm going to have to do what I can to prevent it. Between Gentleman Jack and I, we already have 4 children.

Then again, (EEK!) who knows what life has in store for us anyway? Anything could happen (or not).

If you ever want to make God laugh, tell him your plans...


  1. I just decided that this week when I have my doctor's appointment I'm going to discuss with her having my tubes tied. CBG has been talking about a vasectomy since I met him, but it still hasn't happened. And like you said, I want to be the one in charge of my birth control options.

    I'm not exactly stoked about the idea of having surgery, but I figure that's a MUCH better option than another baby. Especially, like you, CBG and I have 4 children between us. Four is definitely enough!!

  2. My plan is, no kids ever. I'm on the pill and LOVE it, have maybe 1 period a year. If I ever got pregnant, I'd have an abortion.

  3. With my surprise pregnancy already out of the way, bringing me to 4 kids as a single mom, um yeah, I am most definitely DONE.

    Since I have no insurance my options are very limited and pills, patches or anything hormonal doesn't agree with me so being with a man who has or gets a vasectomy is my preference! Both my ex husband and latest boyfriend had one.

    Guys; a vasectomy is a simple procedure and only slightly uncomfortable for a very short time.

  4. Veronica and I are d-o-n-e DONE having kids! 2 yrs ago I got a vasectomy to seal the deal, so to speak. Of course, we then discovered that V's hormones should not be left alone, so she ended up going back on the pill. Oh well, I'd do it again anyway.

    BTW, the verification word is "tarfu" which in military speak stands for "things are really fucked up" and is a close relative to SNAFU and FUBAR. LOL...

  5. I completely realize that I need to get snipped, but I also completely realize that I'm a tremendous procrastinator.


  6. Just dropping in to say wow, 4 years, kind of a milestone, huh? Congrats on coming out better on the other side!

  7. Your post doesn't really apply to me, newly married and as yet not a mother, but I wanted to chime in about the Paragard. I had a hell of a time with it, but both I and my GYN think it's because I haven't had a child yet. That said, my issues were limited to cramping (my uterus was not happy about this foreign invader and trying to get rid of it) and heavy periods. If I could do it without the cramping, I would absolutely get it again and deal with the heavy periods. The lack of hormones was wonderful.

    Good luck deciding!

  8. I am 25 with two kids, and two failed marriages. Luckily, both kids are from ex-husband #2. And I am DONE having kids.

    I do not want to fall for some guy, and potentially have another "baby daddy" to deal with in the future. I already have one, and he's fairly close to earning the title "deadbeat."

    I have the Mirena IUD now, but I'm looking into the Essure, so I just never have to deal with any worries again.

  9. I do the same thing every time. I just say "where you want it" She's only been bred when she wanted to be and has never been on any bc.

  10. Oh boy. I hope Nicki comments on this one! I'm done, unless an accident happens.

  11. I'm 95% sure I'm done, but I'm still young, so I realise I may feel differently in the next ten years.
    For the record, I have the Paraguard and I love it. Never even know its' there, and no hormones!

  12. Am I the only one that actually wants more children? I'm about to be 34 and feeling my biological clock big time these days. Personally, I can't do hormonal bc so if I find myself in that situation, I don't know what I'll do.

  13. This is interesting...several months ago, when TF and I were "together" again, I had baby pangs. I wondered, What if? What if I had another one? What if I am really done?

    Truth is, I want to be done. And, I DON'T have any man in my life or one in the foreseeable future. If God really wanted me to have another baby? He'd have to make it happen. Otherwise, baby factory is closed.

    Not that adoption is out of the question, however... ;)

  14. Normally just a lurker, but wanted to put in a vote for the Essure procedure. I had it after the birth of my second daughter and I recommend it to anyone who is considering it. It is simple and very effective. The procedure itself was noninvasive. I had it when it was still relatively new and it was considered a surgical procedure with anesthesia. Nowadays, I think, it can be done in the doctors office.

  15. Then again, (EEK!) who knows what life has in store for us anyway? Anything could happen (or not).

    I love ya T, but that's not the best way to bring a baby into the world. As you know, babies add a lot of stress (and, obviously, joy) on a couple, emotionally, financially ...

    It's one of the most(if not the most) important decisions we have to make in life; it deserves a lot more thought than being left up to chance, methinks.

  16. I am coming up on 40 also and I am 99% sure that I would not have another. I hate that my daughter is going to be an only child, but I am too damn old to chase another one around.

  17. i truly did want a third child, although after stella was born i was terrified of abnormalities, but my ex did not. it was, i believe, one of the issues that ended our marriage. and now i'm too old to try again, even if i did have a suitable, um, donor. i hope to connect with a man who has children of his own, and a decent relationship with them. i'd love to have a blended family in my future.

    yes, anything can happen, t! i sense enough ambivalence here in your post that maybe you want to see what happens? take a risk? sounds like another thing to meditate on...

  18. For me, the having kid question is about the age of my own kids. I have a daughter heading to college. I think I'd rather be a grandpa than have a new baby of my own! But I can wait another 10 years for that.

  19. Ummm. We're talking kids. Seriously. soon as we're married we might just stop trying not to conceive. It's exciting and scary. And I worry I'm too old. At the same time, I want a chance to do it right just once with a man who will love and appreciate me, the entire experience, and our child. Doesn't seem like a lot to ask for. We'll see what happens.

  20. Thanks for the link love!

    It IS in the water, I swear! Yesterday The Man and I both commented on how many new babies and pregnant women there are EVERYWHERE we go. Then we came home and ran into our neighbor who announced that she's pregnant too (our due dates are only a month apart)! Seattle is having a serious baby boom!

    Keep us posted on your birth control choices. My insurance won't cover a new Mirena either, so we're going to have to figure something out for post-pregnancy. Because we are NOT having any more (we'll be at 4 between the two of us too). I think we'll ultimately be going the snip route but, like Canadian Bald Guy, my man's a bit of a procrastinator.

  21. I am a single mother with four daughters ages 12, 10, 7, and 5. My BLT has a daughter, age 2.

    We are not getting married, or living together....or living in the same state for that matter. However we have already had the baby talk. Neither one of us wants any more. I'm currently using Depo, and will continue to do so as long as I can...however I wonder how the BLT would take it if I asked him to get the big "V"?

    BLT and I both went and were STD tested before we had sex for the first time, and we've been very honest about previous partners and sexual history. All that honesty is a good thing, and it's great to know we are in the same place in regards to babies!

  22. Tisha here. Yep. SURPRISE! Jace is such a blessing and I'm loving being the mom of 3. But we are DONE. J will have a the "procedure" and I will start BC. :) my video of my surprise pregnancy said it best......plan to be surprised! Xoxo

  23. Yup, I'm done too, T. I would rather marry someone and make that child my own. :)

  24. I opted to close the baby machine after the first one! I dont care-that effin HURT. If I decide to add more children to my family I will adopt. Did I cut my boyfriend options in half? Maybe, some ppl want more babies or maybe their own babies....
    Was it a selfish choice? Could be. Regarless, it was MY choice. Its my uterus after all and my vagina we're talking about...I'm just not doing that crap again. Plus, I never wanted the PIT to feel left out....I don't want to make 'new' babies with a 'new' dad...I am open to adding to our (the PIT & I) family...I think Ill work on ME, then the 'dad' thingy and THEN MAYBE...Ill adopt a baby...
    Oooo or foster care...I'd like to do that also.
    Anywho...thats my 2 cents on the reproducing business.

    PS--T, thx for your wonderful advise!


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