In a recent conversation, Gentleman Jack was telling me about a situation with his oldest son. GJ, like me, was raised with a really tough father who pushed perfection. Both of us now beat ourselves up for not being perfect.
He actually handles it better than I do.
He has noticed perfectionist tendencies in his teenage son, Carbon Copy. In order to help CC when he feels disappointed in himself, Gentleman Jack told him,
"Hey, even God is imperfect. He made us in his own image so we must be imperfect too."
He left me thinking about that statement for a little while....
I finally took the time to watch Dr. Wayne Dyer's movie, The Shift. In the movie, Dr. Dyer discusses the "shift" from ambition to meaning. In further detail, this shift is a change in perception from ego-focused to God-focused. The movie runs like a docu-drama where Dr. Dyer is delivering a commentary but the viewer also peers into the lives of people who are feeling a shift of their own.
In A Course in Miracles, we talk much about the "ego" versus our "true Self". The ego is most definitely our imperfect self, focused solely on success, material gain, status, ambition and who we believe we are in relation to other people. We live our lives in defense and judgment, of ourselves and others. I think that many of us believe in the judgmental, vengeful, reluctantly loving "god" that is based on this ego idea. I believe this representation of God is imperfect as well. The main ego-focused idea is: "Who is God in relation to me?"
I also believe that when the shift happens from ego-focused to God-focused, the question then becomes, "How can I better represent God to those that I encounter?" We begin to search for meaning to everything in our lives. We begin to feel connection and self-realization. We begin to allow our true Selves, our Spirit, to realize our connection to each other, as well as our connection to the perfection, the whole, the loving, accepting God. This is the perfect God. This is when selflessness becomes our "ambition" and we live our lives with acceptance and forgiveness. This is when we find our peace.
Moksha is a word that I learned recently in yoga. Moksha, a Sanskrit word, means: ultimate peace, ultimate knowledge, and ultimate enlightenment.
I want Moksha. My quest, I've realized, is an eternal search for Moksha with little mini-shifts here and there.
In order to reach a shifting place, I believe we have to embrace our imperfection. We have to reach a place in our lives when we decide that our ambition was realized and yet we still feel as if something is missing. That is when we open up to it. That is when we allow the shift to happen.
What I've found, in my personal experience, is that sometimes I'm willing to embrace the God-focused, perfection of true Self... and sometimes I'm not. I find that I'm shifting back and forth. I'm not sure that happened until I went through the demise of my marriage. I'm not sure I was willing to shift at all until I lost everything I thought I believed in.
Gentleman Jack helps me to remember that its ok to not be "perfect" all the time - that its ok when I've shifted away from that part of me that trusts and has faith. Perhaps I need to re-evaluate that part of me that tries to be perfect - my ego. Perhaps its very definition of "perfect" will never be realized anyway.
My Gentleman... he's such a Buddha.