In a recent conversation, Gentleman Jack was telling me about a situation with his oldest son. GJ, like me, was raised with a really tough father who pushed perfection. Both of us now beat ourselves up for not being perfect.
He actually handles it better than I do.
He has noticed perfectionist tendencies in his teenage son, Carbon Copy. In order to help CC when he feels disappointed in himself, Gentleman Jack told him,
"Hey, even God is imperfect. He made us in his own image so we must be imperfect too."
He left me thinking about that statement for a little while....
***
I finally took the time to watch Dr. Wayne Dyer's movie, The Shift. In the movie, Dr. Dyer discusses the "shift" from ambition to meaning. In further detail, this shift is a change in perception from ego-focused to God-focused. The movie runs like a docu-drama where Dr. Dyer is delivering a commentary but the viewer also peers into the lives of people who are feeling a shift of their own.
In A Course in Miracles, we talk much about the "ego" versus our "true Self". The ego is most definitely our imperfect self, focused solely on success, material gain, status, ambition and who we believe we are in relation to other people. We live our lives in defense and judgment, of ourselves and others. I think that many of us believe in the judgmental, vengeful, reluctantly loving "god" that is based on this ego idea. I believe this representation of God is imperfect as well. The main ego-focused idea is: "Who is God in relation to me?"
I also believe that when the shift happens from ego-focused to God-focused, the question then becomes, "How can I better represent God to those that I encounter?" We begin to search for meaning to everything in our lives. We begin to feel connection and self-realization. We begin to allow our true Selves, our Spirit, to realize our connection to each other, as well as our connection to the perfection, the whole, the loving, accepting God. This is the perfect God. This is when selflessness becomes our "ambition" and we live our lives with acceptance and forgiveness. This is when we find our peace.
Moksha is a word that I learned recently in yoga. Moksha, a Sanskrit word, means: ultimate peace, ultimate knowledge, and ultimate enlightenment.
I want Moksha. My quest, I've realized, is an eternal search for Moksha with little mini-shifts here and there.
***
In order to reach a shifting place, I believe we have to embrace our imperfection. We have to reach a place in our lives when we decide that our ambition was realized and yet we still feel as if something is missing. That is when we open up to it. That is when we allow the shift to happen.
What I've found, in my personal experience, is that sometimes I'm willing to embrace the God-focused, perfection of true Self... and sometimes I'm not. I find that I'm shifting back and forth. I'm not sure that happened until I went through the demise of my marriage. I'm not sure I was willing to shift at all until I lost everything I thought I believed in.
Gentleman Jack helps me to remember that its ok to not be "perfect" all the time - that its ok when I've shifted away from that part of me that trusts and has faith. Perhaps I need to re-evaluate that part of me that tries to be perfect - my ego. Perhaps its very definition of "perfect" will never be realized anyway.
My Gentleman... he's such a Buddha.
God is of course perfect! The man that was made in God's image was Adam who WAS perfect until sin was introduced, resulting in man's fall from Grace. Beliving that Jesus Christ is our savior and through his grace is the only way to attain perfection in heaven.
ReplyDeleteStay focused on God, T. Study the Word of God, and His Will shall be revealed to you.
Love ya.
What a lucky woman you are to have someone who accepts your imperfections. I don't think there can be inner peace until you find that person, or find that acceptance within yourself.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, and a good reminder for me to get my butt on my yoga mat this week!
ReplyDeleteI need to work on remembering that I don't need to be perfect all the time. Right now...the pressure is killing me! Thanks for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteVery nice post.
ReplyDeleteI tend to be a bit of a perfectionist myself. My ex thought it was both cute and annoying. A lot of it comes from my mother - when I was a teenager, she took out a lot of her frustrations on me verbally. I heard a lot of, "you should be, could be," out of her.
It's only now, as an adult with two children, that I'm finally realizing that it's okay to be imperfect.
I dig me some Rascal.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I like the idea of shifting from ego-focus to God-focus. Tiger Woods and Jesse James would both do well to read what you wrote, and take it to heart. (They are both immersed in ego focus. But they are people, and they can change! http://dadshouseblog.com/2010/04/05/jesse-james-tiger-woods-why-care/ )
ReplyDeleteI would change one line that you wrote. Instead of "In order to reach a shifting place, I believe we have to embrace our imperfection." - I believe we should let go of our imperfection, and not let it matter so much.
Not to be a troublemaker — Who? What? Me? — but if you don't believe in God (and I'm not saying that I don't, but many people don't), then where do you fit in this equation?
ReplyDeleteHmmm ....
Achieving Moksha means that there will be nothing left. You only get Moksha when you die — that's eternal peace. Life itself is imperfect, and like you, T, I had to lose everything — not only material things (who cares about that, but I thought that mattered, as do most of us when we buy, buy, buy) but my concept of love, family, me, safety, the whole shebang — when my marriage ended, too.
And that was my enlightenment, my aha moment.
That's when I realized that I could no longer slide through life somewhat smugly (or obliviously!) believing in absolutes and certainties, but to be present to what is now , ultimately all we have.
Life itself is imperfection — it has violence and untimely death and the unexplainable, like when babies die and the cancer returns. And then we die. What's so perfect about all that? Oh yeah, that we can think and feel and love and create and be alive. There's the perfection for me!
love ya!
T, you're very fortunate to have someone like Rascal in your life to help you in your journey. You're doing some good work here.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
"We have to reach a place in our lives when we decide that our ambition was realized and yet we still feel as if something is missing."
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly what took me back in to talk to my counselor... instead of helping me with grief and trauma I realized there was something in the way I'm approaching life that was keeping me from really living life.
Going to work on reprogramming my thinking from that task/reward kind of thinking.... like I'm a little kid in school just tackling tasks to get my grade/reward. Time to ditch that kind of approach!