Gentleman Jack and I apparently committed to each other without even realizing it. This, of course, left me questioning damn near everything about him and/or us. It was exhausting and at times, seemed like I should pull the plug on the whole thing.
My sister is going through her own battle that leaves me and the rest of my family feeling helpless.
Friends have decisions that they are making and struggles to process. I've felt disappointed with many people in my life.
I had my own hormonal issues that left me feeling overwhelmed and even more emotional.
I've made mistakes. I've seen other people make mistakes. I've witnessed unfortunate reactions to others' and my own wounds.
All in all, it has been an exhausting year and its only April!
Occasionally, I'll reach a point where I actually say out loud,
"OK. I'm done. I choose happiness again. This worrying and trying to analyze things and be there for people is wearing me out. It is time to pull back, love me, love my children, love my life. I am supported and loved. Everything will work out fine."
I'm at that point again.
Over the weekend at Gentleman Jack's, someone caught a brief moment in time in a photograph. I could stare at this picture for hours. It speaks volumes to me. I can actually FEEL his heartbeat when I see this picture.
This captured moment in time with only one person in my life reminds me of the love around me all of the time.
I'm sure I'll flip back into my control-freak/worry wart/overthinker mode at some point. Its a habit that I'm working on breaking. Happiness, on the other hand, is a habit I'm working on building. There are too many GOOD things in my life to worry about the not-so-good.
Feels pretty damn awesome to be me.
"Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway."
~ Mary C. Crowley
"Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
~ Nathaniel Hawthorne