I could tell that something was bothering her. She wore a look of exasperation like a heavy drum upon her weary mind.
"I'm leaving my husband," she finally admitted, defeated.
The above scene has played out 3 times in my life since last week. Is there something in the air? The water? The COSMOS?
All three women have shared this information with me because they feel that I can offer some understanding. And I do. I understand their fears.
It is frightening to think of uprooting your entire life and the lives of your children.
I have given each of them the same sage offerings:
It's gonna suck.
You will go a little crazy.
You will lose some friends.
You will feel resentful of the obligations that come with single motherhood.
Your children will handle the new change just as well as you do.
You will find a new stigma that is associated with you and your children.
You will make mistakes in other relationships.
You will probably have your heart broken again.
You will still find dissatisfaction and loneliness once you are divorced but it won't be near as dissatisfying and lonely as being in a miserable marriage.
What that also means is that when you feel that way, you will have to look in the mirror and figure out why.
You can change your mind.
You can choose happiness.
You will keep the friends who matter and make new friends on the other side.
You will revel in joy for things that you did ALL BY YOURSELF; things that you never thought you could do before.
You will find someone who loves you for who you are NOW.
You will find a new normal.
You will be OK.
Change is difficult. Remember, though, that fighting it makes it even more difficult. Allow. Just as the trees don't try to hold on to the leaves that change in the fall, allow. Remember that fresh new leaves always reappear in the springtime. You will find your spring as well.
I offer these words to them. What would you say?