I have been evaluating my sexuality since the beginning of this year with a series of posts. This is part 6 in the series. (part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5)
Throughout these self-examining posts, I've realized that I use my sexuality as power. As I've gotten older, and the realization of this sets in, I have found that sometimes, I've wanted to test this power.
Like the day I wondered if I could be a MILF.
And I got way more than I bargained for.
It was a hot summer day and I was hanging out with a girlfriend at her apartment pool. We'd made some sangria and joined the young party crowd around the grill for burgers and pool volleyball.
I wasn't feeling especially social that day. I was still on my first sangria and sat on a chaise beach chair quietly observing the crowd. Everyone was partying, enjoying themselves, music blaring, and beer guzzling. It was Texas in mid-summer and that's just what you do.
I spotted a young stud playing volleyball in the pool. He was a cute, 20-something hottie who glanced my way more than a few times with a smile. Somewhere in there, I thought... I wonder???
The next time he walked by my chair, I invited him to sit. We chatted briefly and he poured on the compliments. I offered them right back and we continued to banter with flirtatious comments as the afternoon went on.
....The most fun about NOT drinking is observing those who ARE drinking....
There was another man. A tall, dark and handsome man (closer to my age) who began flirting with me too. I was playful, enjoying the feeling of control since everyone around me was three sheets to the wind.
That's when I needed to head inside to the ladies room. And that's when the Young Stud decided to escort me.
I was amazed at how quickly he let it be known what he wanted from me. He followed me into the ladies room, making small talk. As I exited the stall, he stood waiting... his swim trunks dropped to the floor as he stroked his very well endowed self into stiffness.
How could I NOT partake? It had been nearly a year since I'd been in the presence of such a thing of beauty.
I was surprised and laughed off his comments. But he continued on the subject. He wanted to be involved in some way.
The night went on and I continued consuming water as everyone else drank more. My girlfriend was drunk and off with other friends. I was invited by Young Stud to sneak off from the crowd. "I want to do that again." - his exact words. I had to laugh at the gleeful expression on his face.
Mr. Tall and Handsome wanted in. He invited us back to his apartment.
"Ya'll come with me. I want to watch."
Now, here is when you'd think I'd be scared. Two male strangers and me. But no. I wasn't frightened at all. I was throwing caution out the window. I'd never done this before. I'd never had an anonymous one night stand. I'd never been a MILF. And now, I wondered...Could I be with both of them?
Once inside Mr. Tall and Handsome's apartment, he immediately pulled out a huge bottle of bourbon. "I think we're all going to need this," he said, nervously.
Observation: they were both nervous and I was not. Interesting...
Mr. Tall and Handsome sat on his couch. I stood before him and allowed Young Stud to undress me from my bathing suit. The stud explored my body in front of a stranger and I loved it. I felt SUCH power. I felt SUCH control. My head was spinning.
The handsome man on the couch pulled his swim trunks off as well. He began pleasuring himself as he watched me being pleasured. I knelt to the floor and crawled towards the couch....
The scene must have looked sexy hot. I could barely contain myself.
In those few moments, anything could happen. But what DID happen surprised me the most.
Young Stud suddenly stopped. He. just. STOPPED. Right in the middle of everything.
"I've uh... gotta get home."
The moment was over. The spirit of fun had died. You could actually feel the awkward.
The three of us gathered ourselves, dressed and joined the crowd out by the pool once more.
As I drove home that evening, I had a weary smile on my face.
I smiled because I learned more about sexuality as power. It turns out that I could have sex anytime, if I wanted it. That was something men had been telling me for years and I never believed it before this incident. I'd never tested the theory before. I felt weary because I also learned that, although the experience was intriguing, it left me feeling empty... and yes... unsatisfied.
I prefer intimacy. I prefer a man who knows my name. I prefer a man who knows the subtle nuances of my body and what I find pleasurable.
I prefer to be naughty, yes, but I prefer it in the context of a respectful relationship. I guess I needed to step outside the norm to figure that out.
Now I know.