I retreated into silence for most of the day yesterday. I chose to remain silent so that I wouldn't have to share the darkness I'd fallen into.
I've been in despair.
I have no idea.
Fear... lack of control... worries about the future... what could happen... what might happen... what may never happen...
Depression and false perception is pure insanity. Insanity doesn't make any logical sense. This is why it takes more than just a change of mind. Sometimes, our states of being have to be changed.
All that I know is that I feel emotionally drained, exhausted, used up and empty.
I'm working on pulling myself up again. I'm going back to some of the things I used when I weaned myself from antidepressants 5 years ago. I'm looking for ways out of the darkness. And ironically, yesterday I did not wish to lean on or discuss it with anyone.
Hence the reason for my silence.
However it is how I've been feeling lately and thus, I must talk about it. The best way out of the darkness, I'm learning, is to allow in light.
Any happy thoughts out there?