I have the best readers ever.
I turned off the comments on yesterday's rant for a few reasons:
- I didn't want anyone to attempt to offer advice. I simply needed to vent.
- I didn't want anyone to remind me what I should be grateful for. I know already.
- I was feeling very unworthy of love.
Yet, as love proves to me over and over again, it will still find a way.
You all still found ways to send me strength and love with your Facebook messages and emails and tweets. Many of you shared with me your own hateful resentments and commiserated with my pissiness. Some of you even told me that it allowed you to feel your own hate, if only just to get it out of your way.
I suppose we all have our crap, right?
THESE are the types of responses that you can't explain to someone who is not a blogger.
THIS is the type of support that continues to remind me that there is a commonality in all of us, no matter the situation.
THIS is why I continue to write and vent and brag and piss and moan...
This is why I blog.
I love you all.
I was able to spend Wednesday evening through Sunday afternoon with Gentleman Jack thanks to the ability to work remotely. I love my job for that reason.
On the drive to Gentleman Jack's, I was anxious... both of us dying for me to get there.
Oh my, how that man greets me.
He met me in the driveway and helped carry in my bag. As I entered his home, I was overcome with the sweetest smell... dinner still cooking on the stove. After a good long hug and a quick change of clothes, he pulled an already made ice cold vodka tonic (my fave) out of the freezer for me. Then, as we sat to dinner, he looked at me, caressed my face and sighed that all-is-right-in-my-world sigh that reminds me, once again, that his home is my home too.
I had no idea that he was in pain. He had been crippled all week with a sore toe. The doctors are cutting into it tomorrow to determine if something lodged in his foot and is now causing a raging infection. I know a sore toe doesn't sound like much but when it is so swollen that your entire foot throbs, you pretty much don't want to stand or walk or get it near anyone who could step on it. (And I nearly did several times.)
He also didn't have his children and I didn't have mine... so, we really didn't do much of anything for 3 straight full days.
OK, we did play but in ways that didn't require him to be anything other than horizontal. Heh.
And did we have fun!
Even beyond that, we spent most of our time together talking - we never run out of things to talk about! We watched TV. Listened to music. Laughed. Really taking each other in with no distractions.
It's really no wonder that I would fight and throw a tantrum to come back to responsibility after that, right? It is really no surprise that I would get upset at the prospect of missing that special, extra love and attention.
Anyway, I'm not 100%. I'm still weepy. I'm still resentful. I'm still...
I'll get past it and put on my big girl panties again.
Thanks for listening.