Thursday, September 30, 2010

Equality of the Sexes?

Earlier this year, I wrote a post on things I've learned about men since I've been in a relationship with Gentleman Jack. It occurred to me that that post needed an addendum.

In that post, I wrote that men are used to rejection and women are not. Men in relationships will frequently tell their woman 'yes' because they want her to be happy.

A man feels like a REAL MAN when his woman is happy.

The reason that this realization hit home so well for me was because my ex-husband at the end of my marriage said to me, 'You always get your way.'

I felt bad about that. I didn't intend to always get my way but when I looked back on it, I realized that whenever I didn't get my way, it was bad news for him. I would feel unhappy. Then he would give me my way so that I would be happy and therefore, he would too.

I believe that there should be a healthy balance of yes and no for both parties. Thankfully, Gentleman Jack does too! I'm learning to use my words to ask for what I want...and getting more comfortable with being told 'no' (though it so rarely happens!).


We both believe in fair and do our best to give and receive lovingly.


Speaking of fairness and the opposite sex, I've noticed a few trends.

  • Men seem to age better than women. Society doesn't put as much pressure on men to look like they're 20 year olds. In fact, many men get better looking as they age! Is it the pressure that ages us as women? Why do women celebrities get picked on for gaining weight but male celebrities don't?
  • Women can ask for sex. If a woman walks up to a man and asks for sex, she will at least get a smile. If a man did it, he would get slapped.
  • A woman having sex with another woman while in a relationship may not be considered cheating. Yet, if a man decided to sleep with another man, it would absolutely be cheating. Why is this okay?
  • No one ever talks about men who suffer from domestic violence. Is it ok for a woman to hit a man but not the other way around?
  • It is assumed that, in a divorce, the mother will have primary custody of the children. It seems that some divorced men can go on with their lives, after divorce, as if they are single... while the mother of the children, in many cases, has to change her life and career dramatically. On the other hand, many single dads with primary or shared custody seem to get overlooked when it comes down to educational or medical decisions. The teacher or doctor ask, "Where is the child's mother?" never asking the single mother, "Where is the child's father?"

Can you think of any more?

I guess there really is no such thing as equality of the sexes. I'm ever learning soooo much about just how different we are!


  1. these are some GREAT observations...and damn straight, amen sista, and cheers to all of them :)

  2. My ex always got her way in our marriage. She'd ask for my opinion, then discard it. How is that healthy? Sure, I wanted her to be happy. But not at the cost of her telling me how to live the rest of my life.

    There has to be balance. Give and take by both parties.

  3. I think a woman sleeping with another woman while in a relationship is definitely cheating.

  4. Men dont have to buy bachelor gifts ;-p I am going to a bachelorette of one of Ds friends fiances next week and he seems shocked I would buy her a gift - boys just dont do that!

  5. I've always been envious of how men can pee standing up. I mean, how convenient is that? And there's never a line for their bathroom. (yet designers of public places keep making bathrooms in EQUAL numbers!)

  6. Women seem to have strangely intimate and codependent relationships with their hairdressers.

    One friend of mine once worried that a $50 gift certificate xmas bonus for her hairdresser was not enough. At first I didn't understand what she was saying. Was she paying her hairdresser in gift certificates? No, she already paid $80 per visit for haircuts, this was A BONUS. To keep her hairdresser happy.

    This seems crazy to me. I pay $11 for my haircuts (+ $2 tip), never make appointments, and don't know my barber's name. Being a man is a lot less complicated.

  7. Women put more pressure on each other to look like they're 20 than men do. Men would like women to look nice, absolutely, but the lengths many women assume they must go to are absurd.

    Women asking for sex - good lord, what's the reject ratio comparison look like? I get rejected more in a week than my wife has been rejected since the day we got married 29 years ago. Know why? Men are afraid that if they say no more than once or twice they'll never get propositioned ever again.

    Guys think gal on gal is hot and they're hoping to join in. I can assure you, if my wife were to catch me in the sack with another man, the last thing she'd be thinking about is joining in. (too bad for her . . .)

  8. Men being the victims of domestic violence is pretty huge. It's always under reported and dealt more lightly mostly because there is little support and lobbying.

  9. i don't know, in my marriage it was so not at all about keeping me happy. we both did everything we could to keep HIM happy. surprising that it didn't work out, right?

  10. I was one of those men who were physically and emotionally abused by their wife. It went on for many years. She used sex to control me. She would tell me that if I did what she said, we would have sex. Well, she always refused to have sex. One night, I woke up and she was over me, using surgical tape, taping my nostrils and mouth shut. Finally, after 15 years, I got the will to leave. It's been 15 years since the divorce was finalized and I'm still so traumatized that I'm afraid to even date, let alone have sex. I hope to have sex again sometime again before I die. P.S.: I'm in therapy so please don't worry.

  11. Talk about being taken to the cleaners... When I was in catering, I would drop off my tuxedo shirts off at the cleaner and be charged twice the amount that y ex-husband would be charged when he dropped off those same shirts! Higher price for a woman's blouse then a man's shirt - even when they are the exact same shirt!


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