Thursday, September 9, 2010

More clues of a first date gone bad

Continued from part 1

As my date, HardBody, and I began discussing his personal life, he immediately admitted that he didn't believe in monogamy.

Clue #4...

I was shocked but as I thought about the 10 years I'd known him, I rarely knew him to have a girlfriend. We discussed my previous sexplorations as well. He then curiously asked if I'd be willing to have sex with our waitress while he watched.

Clue #5...

Even still, I would not take any of these clues to heart. I was told that this guy had feelings for me! He'd admitted them to our mutual friend. In the time I'd known him, he had always been wonderful and respectful to me. A great friend. Perhaps he was having an off night or felt nervous.

Ah... if there's anything you should know about me, it's that I'm very stubborn. When I see something I want, I will take all sorts of abuse to get there.


After dinner, we walked down the street to a bar to hear a live band. As we listened to the music, I began to feel a bit frustrated. He was ogling every woman that walked by...

Clue #6...

...and yet, as we sat side by side, he slid his hand, sensually, from my knee to my thigh. I was confused but to be touched that way felt wonderful. When he then leaned in and kissed me, I could feel the melting warmth between my legs.

I needed sex.

We discussed getting away to a more private place. We couldn't go to my house because of the kids and we couldn't go to his house either. We noticed a hotel nearby and decided to get a room.

I didn't care anymore. It was obvious that we wouldn't be "an item" but I wanted attention. I wanted someone to want me again. I wanted someone to fuck me like I hadn't been fucked in years. (And yes, I said FUCK. Because it had been at least a year since I'd had sex with a man.)

He, despite all the damn clues, still seemed like a very willing and able candidate.

Go ahead and judge me.

I waited in the car while he went in to get a room. When he came back out of the hotel, he sat back in my car and looked at me sadly.

"Nope. I'm not going to pay that much for one night."

I asked how much and was shocked that he was so unwilling to shell out what didn't seem like much at ALL (and I know what he gets paid) to have some fun with me. Was I not worth it? This man who apparently had crushed on me for YEARS and he wouldn't even pay for one night in a hotel room with me?!?

Clue #7...

He then suggested that we pull into a parking garage near by and move into the back seat of my car.

Clue #8...

Now, this was when I shut down. I was too far in to back out and I still very much wanted sex... but I was no longer feeling it.

Then, when I had to physically move a booster seat and an infant seat so that I could "make out", uncomfortably, with this very disrespectful and cheap date, my head was hurting from rolling my eyes so much. And my heart was filled with SOOO much Mommy-guilt!

Clue #9...

But I *did* stay in that uncomfortable back seat... just so that I could be kissed and fondled and admired. He at least said naughty and nice things to me. Even as he did so much to please me, at that point, I felt nothing. Not a damn thing. It was too freakin' late. I actually had a vision of myself filing my nails as he munched away on my freshly shaven girl parts.

Big Ass Clue #10!

I know, I know... I can hear the chorus of "Oh no! T!! You didn't!!" ....and yeah, I can't lie. But it does make for great blog fodder, right?

I had really high hopes for this one. When I told our mutual friend about the date, he sat in shocked silence. He agreed that it didn't even SOUND like the same guy. He proposed that nerves must have got the better of HardBody that night.


Although, it wasn't the date of my dreams and he was far from the man of my dreams, I was able to experience and learn a great lesson - with a friend no less!

Strangely, we've never discussed the date. I've never even seen him act like he did that night, before or since! He continues to be a very kind, loving and respectful friend to me. I guess some people are simply better as friends only.

I came away from that date with the new-found ability to recognize that I should trust myself in those situations. I learned to be more discerning on other first dates. I learned to trust my gut when it's screaming, "Run away!!"

I also realized that I wasn't a desperate woman, though I may have appeared to be that night. I knew I deserved better, even then, at one of the lowest points in my life. I knew that I wanted to feel adored and loved. I guess I just wasn't ready for it at that point. And I wouldn't be for at least another couple of years.

Maybe it takes a few bad dates to help recognize the good ones. Maybe, as with the donkey in the well story, we have to have some dirt thrown on top of us in order to climb up out of the darkness.

Live, love and learn, ya'll.


  1. In a way, this sounds somewhat similar to one of my very early dating experiences - something I didn't really blog in total about because well, I am puppies and kittens and I don't tend to disclose AS much (I do more now, but back then, did not) about sex and such. But what I will say is, you are SO RIGHT, you do want that touch and to be WANTED again and sometimes that clouds your judgement. It certainly did mine, but I learned from it, and you realize you should and can trust your gut. Love this post for that very reason.

  2. I've had a very similar dating experience when I first got back out there. And it was only because I wanted to be desired. Live and learn, and realize that nothing compares to the touch of someone who really truly loves you as a whole person.

  3. I was thinking OMG right from the beginning of your previous blog and through this one. Then I thought back and I remember those days. And more that once or twice, maybe even more than 5 times. Sometimes you just want to be held and sometimes it's pure sex so yeah, I get you. Kisses.

  4. "Maybe it takes a few bad dates to help recognize the good ones."

    I can drink to that.. and lord knows, I need a drink.

  5. We all have moments from our lives that we're less than proud of. The most important thing is that you're able to look back and see how far you've come and how much you've grown since then.

  6. I admire how honest you are. You have inspired me to be more open about my sexuality on my blog. I am pretty sassy but seem to have skirted the issue of sex. Maybe because I know that my dad is a regular reader?

  7. Utterly AWFUL! But also totally understandable. I think many women have put thenselves in similar situations at some point - whether that be just one bad date or, like me, an entire relationship of ignoring the signs and compromising yourself. Sad, but true. I wonder, do men do this too?

    Word verification: toxica

  8. Hang on - you mean you really were filing your nails? I mean that's a pretty irresistible image.

  9. The first few dates after a marriage ends are always weird — how can they not be? We're out of the loop for a while. and suddenly thrown to the wolves with that newly divorced naivete that's so damn irresistible!

    So, cut yourself some slack. It takes a few dates long those lines to make us go, "OK, now I get it ...!"


  10. Definitely blog fodder. Whenever anything happens lately...I chalk it up to blog fodder. You have lived a rich life, T. Thanks for sharing.

  11. Yep, benn there a few times! Learning experience girl, oh and charachter building! That is my excuse anyway!
    Love ya!

  12. Our journey is a process of choices and learning's. You learned much from this date and through your awareness you now know that what seemed okay in the moment was not worth it. You are so worthy of so much more and now you realize that more than ever. Thanks for sharing.

  13. I, seriously, can't imagine why anyone would judge you harshly. You did what was necessary to find some pleasure during a low point. I know that if I was to judge you harshly for that I would be a massive hypocrite!

  14. I am so sorry you had such an awful date. You deserve better. Much better.

  15. "Ah... if there's anything you should know about me, it's that I'm very stubborn. When I see something I want, I will take all sorts of abuse to get there."

    Me! Me! Me! This post was the entire source of my relationship with the up/down guy. At least you didn't go back, I kept doing it over and over again because it felt so good to be pleasured...FOR REALS. *sigh* my body has paid for it. I'm learning the processes of listening to my gut as well.

  16. Live and Learn my friend. No blame here, I know what it's like to desperately need to be needed.

    I totally admit I laughed out loud at the nail file sceanario, too funny.



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