Thursday, September 9, 2010
More clues of a first date gone bad
Continued from part 1
As my date, HardBody, and I began discussing his personal life, he immediately admitted that he didn't believe in monogamy.
I was shocked but as I thought about the 10 years I'd known him, I rarely knew him to have a girlfriend. We discussed my previous sexplorations as well. He then curiously asked if I'd be willing to have sex with our waitress while he watched.
Even still, I would not take any of these clues to heart. I was told that this guy had feelings for me! He'd admitted them to our mutual friend. In the time I'd known him, he had always been wonderful and respectful to me. A great friend. Perhaps he was having an off night or felt nervous.
Ah... if there's anything you should know about me, it's that I'm very stubborn. When I see something I want, I will take all sorts of abuse to get there.
After dinner, we walked down the street to a bar to hear a live band. As we listened to the music, I began to feel a bit frustrated. He was ogling every woman that walked by...
...and yet, as we sat side by side, he slid his hand, sensually, from my knee to my thigh. I was confused but to be touched that way felt wonderful. When he then leaned in and kissed me, I could feel the melting warmth between my legs.
I needed sex.
We discussed getting away to a more private place. We couldn't go to my house because of the kids and we couldn't go to his house either. We noticed a hotel nearby and decided to get a room.
I didn't care anymore. It was obvious that we wouldn't be "an item" but I wanted attention. I wanted someone to want me again. I wanted someone to fuck me like I hadn't been fucked in years. (And yes, I said FUCK. Because it had been at least a year since I'd had sex with a man.)
He, despite all the damn clues, still seemed like a very willing and able candidate.
Go ahead and judge me.
I waited in the car while he went in to get a room. When he came back out of the hotel, he sat back in my car and looked at me sadly.
"Nope. I'm not going to pay that much for one night."
I asked how much and was shocked that he was so unwilling to shell out what didn't seem like much at ALL (and I know what he gets paid) to have some fun with me. Was I not worth it? This man who apparently had crushed on me for YEARS and he wouldn't even pay for one night in a hotel room with me?!?
He then suggested that we pull into a parking garage near by and move into the back seat of my car.
Now, this was when I shut down. I was too far in to back out and I still very much wanted sex... but I was no longer feeling it.
Then, when I had to physically move a booster seat and an infant seat so that I could "make out", uncomfortably, with this very disrespectful and cheap date, my head was hurting from rolling my eyes so much. And my heart was filled with SOOO much Mommy-guilt!
But I *did* stay in that uncomfortable back seat... just so that I could be kissed and fondled and admired. He at least said naughty and nice things to me. Even as he did so much to please me, at that point, I felt nothing. Not a damn thing. It was too freakin' late. I actually had a vision of myself filing my nails as he munched away on my freshly shaven girl parts.
Big Ass Clue #10!
I know, I know... I can hear the chorus of "Oh no! T!! You didn't!!" ....and yeah, I can't lie. But it does make for great blog fodder, right?
I had really high hopes for this one. When I told our mutual friend about the date, he sat in shocked silence. He agreed that it didn't even SOUND like the same guy. He proposed that nerves must have got the better of HardBody that night.
Although, it wasn't the date of my dreams and he was far from the man of my dreams, I was able to experience and learn a great lesson - with a friend no less!
Strangely, we've never discussed the date. I've never even seen him act like he did that night, before or since! He continues to be a very kind, loving and respectful friend to me. I guess some people are simply better as friends only.
I came away from that date with the new-found ability to recognize that I should trust myself in those situations. I learned to be more discerning on other first dates. I learned to trust my gut when it's screaming, "Run away!!"
I also realized that I wasn't a desperate woman, though I may have appeared to be that night. I knew I deserved better, even then, at one of the lowest points in my life. I knew that I wanted to feel adored and loved. I guess I just wasn't ready for it at that point. And I wouldn't be for at least another couple of years.
Maybe it takes a few bad dates to help recognize the good ones. Maybe, as with the donkey in the well story, we have to have some dirt thrown on top of us in order to climb up out of the darkness.
Live, love and learn, ya'll.