|Photo from Vi.sualize.us|
The strangest part about how I was feeling in my low last week... is that today, I can barely relate to who I was just a few days ago.
I did realize that my biggest fear was of the future. And fear of lack of control. Thankfully, those lows always lead me to some new revelation. I guess it's that whole dark night of the soul thing.
I've also realized in the past few days that perhaps this is a big shift from who I was to who I'm becoming. I'm actually becoming all the time. Moving towards something... and never stopping to appreciate where I am now.
When I look back on who I've been for the past 40 years of my life, I was always aiming for something, defining myself. Right? Isn't that what getting to 40 is all about? Who will I be in this world?
Maybe this is the time when I can stop aiming. Maybe this is when I can just plan for things I want to do instead of things I have to do.
I don't HAVE to get married or have children. I don't HAVE to aim for some big time career or some giant house or some lofty goal. I always felt like I had to have that in my 20's and 30's and I did reach those goals.
Maybe my 40's will be all about just sitting with where I am now and appreciating it.
Maybe my future plans will be more about what bike ride I'm going to do next or the next weekend I'll get to see my Gentleman or taking my kids to the next Harry Potter movie. Maybe it's not about me anymore. Maybe it's about watching my kids make THEIR lofty goals and reaching them.
Maybe it's time I take the time to be happy being happy.
Simple enough, right?
Sounds like a grand enough goal for me.
Hope you're enjoying this last weekend of summer. I am. :)
"A happy life is just a string of happy moments. But most people don't allow the happy moment, because they're so busy trying to get a happy life."