I've not had much interest in The Secret/Law of Attraction lately. I do believe that we can manifest. Yes. I agree that we have that power. The problem is, from what I've noticed, we don't always realize what we may manifest.
Sure, we can stay positive and focused on something and make it happen. We also have lots and lots of subconscious thoughts that attract and manifest as well. I believe this is when we look at things in our lives and say, "I didn't choose that!"
Dr. Dyer said something that helped me to understand this phenomenon.
"We don't always attract what we want. We attract what we are." (paraphrasing)
Basically, we attract from our beliefs about ourselves and the world. And again, not all of these beliefs are within the frame of our conscious mind.
I say all of that because I have been doing lots of soul searching about my relationship with Gentleman Jack.
I've found myself stuck in a downward spiral. I love the man. SOOOOOOO much. We have a great time together. He is truly wonderful to me.
But when I try to imagine a future with him, there are things that piss me off too. There are things that he does or doesn't do in his life that frustrate me... things that have nothing to do with me but irritate me nonetheless.... things that showed up in my marriage and other past relationships.
I left those relationships so I wouldn't have to deal with those irritating things!
Ahhh but what you don't understand, says the universe, is that you've never healed the thoughts that brought those things in your life to begin with!
I guess it must be true. The one thing in common in all of those relationships is me.
Grrr... and thus I have to look at it and sit with it. I have to shine a light on it and try to figure out why I allow those things to bother me so. I also have to look at why I have such a need to fix or change these irritations instead of allowing him to be.
Otherwise, I will run screaming the other direction over a future fear and miss out on the loving and positive things that
One of the core beliefs that I think Gentleman Jack and I share individually is: "What if I am not enough?"
Of course, the sameness of beliefs is probably one of our deep attractions to each other. This belief shows itself in all areas and in both good and bad ways. Attraction is attraction - it doesn't see good or bad. It just is.
The (sometimes problematic) difference, however, is how each of us handles that belief.
I tend to follow the premise, "Give and give until it hurts. Then give some more. Bend over til your back is almost breaking. Surely they will love you for it."
And Gentleman Jack seems to live by the creedo, "Give and if it's not enough, it's their problem, not mine. Love me as I am. *beats chest in defiance*"
I forget boundaries and have a martyr complex. He puts up a fortress of defense.
I get resentful when people take too much and don't give back. He gets resentful when what he gives isn't enough.
I don't think either one is healthy. Neither of us gets much benefit from handling ourselves this way. There's a balance between the two somewhere, right?
There is still much work to be done... on myself, my beliefs, my fears, and the trunk of baggage that's still hiding in the attic of my subconscious.
There is still much that I have to understand and feel comfortable with in my relationship as well. This starts with looking at our sameness and not our differences. Or rather... both of us being aware that we handle our sameness differently.
Can I learn to allow and accept our differences?
In the meantime, I will lean on my faith. Again.