Monday, October 25, 2010

Powerful Intentions

I believe that once you open your eyes to see something differently, once your mind is willing to let go of current judgments, once you are willing to say, "I don't know", things happen.

I remember declaring "I don't know" back in February of 2009. I wasn't happy in my failing relationship, knew I deserved more and declared it so.

I declared it with my job recently as well. Not knowing what my future held but realizing that I was out-growing my current position.

To me, "I don't know" are very powerful words meaning:

"I surrender to what is and I'm malleable enough to accept what is to come."

***

With the recent revelation and declaration about my career crisis, I went with a co-worker to a women's seminar. There I met with inspiring and powerful women who began their journeys as single mothers too.

Between that seminar and discussions with Gentleman Jack, I realized that I was shutting myself off, limiting myself because I am a single mother. Yet, when I think about it, all that I've encountered recently are powerful and amazing single mothers! From attending Rachel's wedding and meeting her tight-knit group of single mother friends (who lovingly surrounded her after her child's father disappeared) to the women at the seminar.

Why do I have such a limited view of my own single parenthood when I've seen the very definition of powerful?!

Plain and simple, I'm not nearly as career driven as I was before children. I desire balance in my life, between work and home. I desire balance of me time and their time. Balance is good. And I absolutely believe that it IS possible.

And perhaps, I need these single mothers in my life as friends... just for the simple fact of understanding.

Since changing my mind and declaring "I don't know", I've had a job interview that showed up out of nowhere. I've met amazing and powerful women who invigorate my opinion of myself and what I CAN do. There have been many coincidences and divine interventions...

No resolution on anything, just yet... but I feel it coming. Soon.

Now, if I can only keep remembering that I'm worth it.

Aren't all of us worthy of divine wondrousness?

8 comments:

  1. THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS! You habe no idea now much I needed to hear that today.

    Today I am stating loudly and boldly "I don't know" and opening myself to what is to come.

    Again, thank you so so much

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  2. Good post T! You deserve good things. So do I damn it! I am declaring that here and now too!

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  3. That's awesome! So glad to hear it about the interview. I'm glad you're working through this feeling about worth and hoping you can always remember you are worth it!

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  4. I'm going to send my partner over to read this post.

    On Saturday I introduced her to my friends and when one of them asked her what she did she was clearly a little embarrassed when she replied,

    "I'm a single mum."

    I was lost for words at the time as I never realised that she thought my friends would judge her for being a stay at home mum.

    My next blog post is going to be entitled,

    "I wish you could see yourself how I do!"

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  5. Letting go and just saying "I don't know" is one of the toughest things for me. You're truly an inspiration.

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  6. Sometimes it's so hard for me to remember, or accept that I am worthy of divine anything.

    I feel guilt for not being the best mother I could be, I feel sorrow for my children living without a father in their life. I feel grief over the failure of a marriage, even though he tried to kill me and he deserves to be both divorced and in prison. I feel scared that I'm not strong enough, or smart enough to make it totally on my own.

    But then there's BLT. When I'm at my weakest he seems to know how to shoulder my burdens without over powering me. He lifts me up, he validates me. He sees my beauty and he reminds me of my strenghs.

    Sometimes the divine wondrousness is having someone there to remind you that your worthy.

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  7. Keeping my fingers crossed for you and happy thoughts in my heart. You definitely deserve divine wondrousness.

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  8. I'll keep reminding you how worth it you are... Um, you might need to remind me sometimes, too?

    I'm cheering you on!!

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