Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Sappy primetime relationship heroes

I have to admit to a few longtime guilty pleasures: Grey's Anatomy and Army Wives

I've been a fan of these shows for a few years now, watching them while on my bike trainer instead of the comfort of my couch.

Gentleman Jack is helping me to learn to STOP and actually sit still when I watch TV. Not an easy task for me!

These shows, as sappy as it sounds, actually helped me to define what I wanted in a relationship.


Take, for instance, the beautiful relationship between Claudia Joy and General Michael Holden from the show, Army Wives.

He is an Army General and she is his loving, supportive wife. Where he could easily come home and command her around as he does his soldiers, he instead adores her, honors her. He strongly believes in the adage, "Behind every strong man is an even stronger woman."

He is just as loving and supportive as she is, even with close to 20 years of marriage. They treat each other with respect and admiration. Here's an example of one of their discussions:

I can't tell you the number of times that I would watch how they love each other, *swoon* and think, "I want THAT."


There's also Derek Shepherd and Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy.

He was so very patient and loving as he convinced her to trust him, allowing their relationship to thrive. I mean, look at how he looks at her!!!

I wanted THAT too!


And it was then that I decided what I wanted my relationship to look like. In observing these two couples, swooning and feeling genuinely happy for their love (in that TV drama kind of way), I created my own desire to the universe.

Now, I smile because these things that I loved, these two examples, even these two youtube videos(!), look just like my relationship with Gentleman Jack.

He's as loving, supportive, admiring and respectful as General Holden to Claudia Joy. He's humble and sensitive, despite the tough guy exterior he shows the world. He observes me, loves me and takes the time to tell me so.

He's patient and stubborn in his love for me, despite my over-thinking and fearful thoughts, like Derek is with Meredith. He touches my face that way, exposing his vulnerabilities in his blue eyes. "I am yours," he tells me, whether I ask for him to be or not.

Now, as I watch these primetime shows, I swoon and fall even more in love with my man. (And not in a TV drama, kind of way.)

What about you? Are there real/TV/movie couples that inspire you? Can you send gratitude to them for showing up as an example to you? 

That is YOUR wish to the universe too.


  1. I have a friend who is remarried after a divorce 11 years ago. When I see these two together I always think, "that's what I want" They are fun, affectionate, adventurous, loving, and so supportive of each other.

    I rarely watch any TV other than Bones and Mad Men, and neither of them have swoon worthy relationships. I'll stick to the real life examples I have to inspire me.

  2. TV relationships scare me. You have to remember, they aren't real people. The situations are invented by a writer for entertainment purposes. It's not real life!

    I had a girlfriend compare our relationship to those found on Sex and the City. I felt that show gave her unrealistic expectations.

    As for watching on a bike trainer - I do it all the time. It's great to stay in shape when you can't get outdoors! It's how I watched World Cup soccer this past summer. I logged a lot of miles indoors on my bike :-)

  3. What an interesting question. I don't think I've ever asked myself what fictional (TV) couples I admire, or what sort of fictional relationship I might aspire to. Huh.

    And I don't watch most prime time shows either. Other than films that pass by on cable at strange hours of the night, and of course, my now (on hiatus) addiction, Mad Men, and yes, Bravo-in-the-Background.

    All I know is I see that actress, and I think of All My Children. (Now now, I was watching it when I was 5, natch.)

  4. I don't compare my entire relationship to these TV people. I'm saying that moments, the feelings that I get when watching... inspire me.

    And if a TV couple doesn't inspire you, again I ask: what about a real life couple? Or a movie couple? (Like On Golden Pond... love that one.)

  5. I changed McDreamy's name to McDouche, at times... he messed with her, didn't tell her about his wife (when she was wanting to know more about him, seeing him and only him, and obviously in love with him); went back to his wife - but kept flirting with her; 'slept' with her whilst still married (at a dance he'd attended with said wife); acts like she'd just mentioned the weather, when she told him she's stopped seeing the other man; tells her that he wants to marry her, points out the fear in her eyes (fear due to the way he's previously treated her) and then infers that he might not be there when she's ready. Ugh.

    I do like the way he looks at her, but I don't always see him as dreamy.

    I like Alison and Joe, in Medium. The actors have great chemistry, and I love their family - they seem like a real family to me. I also liked Alex and Izzie, in Grey's, because they were on a more even footing, and they also seemed real to me; I wish that Katherine Heigl hadn't wanted to leave.

    Paul and Jamie, in Mad About You, were another couple that I loved.

  6. I've just remembered one of my favourite episodes of Mad About You, that I saw when I was nineteen.

    Paul wanted to invest some of their money into a virtual reality program, and they were each allowed to try it out, to see what they would be putting their money towards. Paul chose to spend time with a gorgeous blonde - Christie Brinkley? In her underwear, doing the whole "bus stop" thing, giving him a massage... Jamie was angry when she found out how he'd spent his time - what he'd chosen to do - and instead of apologizing, he said, "This isn't the most right that I've ever been."

    He urged Jamie to try it, and when she had her turn, she chose to spend her time with Paul. She went through the same scenes that Paul had shared with Christie, but in each scene, she had him proclaiming over and over, that he was wrong. ;D

    It was something that I could really see happening, and I guess that's why it stuck with me.

  7. Take good care of yourself – There is so much more to this than one might think. Pay attention to your body and mind. You have to first take care of yourself in order to take care of your kids. Exercise daily. Eat right and drink plenty of water to keep yourself hydrated. Get plenty of sleep. Watch your stress levels and try to avoid it at all costs. Smile, try it! It helps relieve stress.

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  8. I agree with dadshouse that fictional TV characters shouldn't serve as a role model for real relationships. When you look at fiction and say, "I want THAT!" I worry that you're setting up unrealistic expectations. These shows are designed to make you "want that"-- that's why you watch. It's a nice warm fuzzy fantasy, but don't mistake it for real life.

    The healthiest relationships I know don't share their intimate moments in front of me, but I know that they are open and honest with each other. It's not about fireworks and drama, but quiet devotion, acceptance, understanding, and working well together.

    For me, I don't get inspiration from other couples, whether real or fictional. I get it from being with my beloved.

    I wonder if you have this backwards. Instead of using these shows to fall more in love with Rascal, you should let your love for Rascal enhance the experience of watching these shows. Instead of saying, "I want that," say, "I have that-- or something better than that because it's real." Does that make sense?

  9. For me, the inspiration is from two real life couples: my grandparents on my mom's side and my grandparents on my dad's side.

    My maternal grandparents were married for 50 years before my grandmother died. They raised 7 children in a 2 bedroom house together. (They had one room, the 2 boys had the other, and the 5 girls shared the attic. And then, when my grandfather's aging father was facing life in a nursing home, they added him to the brood and converted the front porch into a bedroom.) My grandpa was a stubborn, grumpy man (whom I loved dearly!) and my grandma was often rolling her eyes at his rants. But just as often, you'd walk into a room to find them kissing. And not just a peck on the cheek kissing, but passionate, bodies pressed close together, wide open mouthed kissing. When I was a kid, I thought it was icky. But as an adult, I realized how rare that kind of enduring, passionate love is. THAT'S what I want. And what I believe I've found with The Man.

    On the other side were my paternal grandparents. They divorced when my dad was 5 years old. 20 years later, they reunited and got remarried, and were married for nearly 20 years before my grandfather died. This sounds like an epic romance, and my grandmother always told the story to make it sound that way. The tale of their relationship and *their* enduring love drew envy from many. But in reality, it was a horribly abusive relationship built on need and bad habits, not love. What my grandmother left out of the story was this: my grandfather was a physically and emotionally abusive man. They divorced after he landed my grandmother in the hospital... again. He had zero contact with his two children over the next 20 years by his own choosing, and never paid a cent in child support. He remarried and had more children, and did the same to them. My grandparents reunited because my dad, as a very young adult, tracked down my grandfather in order to tell him off. Instead, his parents reunited, the abuse started right up again, and my dad never forgave himself for inadvertently getting them back together. ...but on the outside, everything looked like roses. They were my inspiration for what NOT to do; my lesson in the difference between *seeming* like a true love story and *being* a true love story.

  10. Thank YOU, Martini Mom. THAT was exactly the type of comment I was expecting when I wrote this post.

    Amazing story. Thank you for sharing.

  11. I used to watch all the movies and simply swoon over the love stories. As I've aged, I've learned that the best love story is the one I write myself. We are creating an amazing love story that has very little to do with any version of traditional relationships. Still, it works for us. And the more we make this relationship our own with less emphasis on what is the norm and what is expected, the happier we are.

  12. I am going to be honest I don't have a lot of healthy happy couples in my life growing up as role models. other Then my BFF parents Casey and I are a lot like them. When you look at us from the outside it might not make sense but if you take the time to look closely you will see the love. It is perfect but it is amazing.

  13. I don't watch a lot of TV, but I've been watching Dexter on Netflix... just started season 2. I don't know what happens later, but oddly enough I think Rita (Dexter's girlfriend) is a good example... loving, patient, humble, understanding, forgiving, but also fun). Of course, this ignores all the dark stuff and the fact that there's so much she can't know about him... but anyway, on her own, she's pretty close to the kind of gf I'd like to be...


Thank you for leaving me some comment love!