Sunday, January 30, 2011

The complexities of being & meeting the ex's new love

It's been one hell of a day.

When I wrote last week that I was overwhelmed because of all that I do at work and in my life, I had no idea of the Dr. Mom/Vet Mom role I'd have to play today. Ugh. I don't even wanna talk about it.

What I do want to talk about is: I finally met the ex's girlfriend.

And ya know... it's gotta be tough to be the girl to follow me.


I know that they've been dating for a while now but I'm not clear how long. I do know the kids like her and her two children. My ex-husband seems to be happier that she's in his life so... right on! Both of those score huge in my book.

Part of me wonders if she makes him happier than I did. Part of me wonders if she pulled things out of him that I never could. Part of me wonders if what destroyed our marriage wasn't me, per se, but that we could never recover from the wounds we'd both imposed on each other. Perhaps his guilt about disappointing me? Perhaps my "loss of innocence" in his eyes could never be fully restored?

Then I think of my current relationship with Gentleman Jack. He is continually telling me how our relationship is better than any he's ever had before. He is aware of mistakes he made in his past and wants to be a better man. Maybe that is how my ex-husband feels now, in his current relationship.

Part of me is jealous because of that. It's still sad we couldn't have worked it all out. I don't think I'm missing him but the idea of the marriage and the children and us all being one happy family. Yeah. Guess I'm still feeling failure-ish over that.

But then I think of all the lessons we had to learn to get to and be who we are now. It's all good. Everything happened as it should.

I really don't think anyone wants to think their ex found someone better than them, amiright? Then again, the ex is a different person. I am a different person. She fits who he is now and I don't. Plain and simple. My Gentleman fits me now and he doesn't. Plain as day.

Now... I suppose I shouldn't be a catty b-word about things but yes, I absolutely judged her appearance, as I'm sure she judged mine.

Yes. I am female.

Sadly, she met me this afternoon as I'd been up all night with a puppy in severe pain after being spayed. And I'd been crying because of her awful howls and restlessness all day long. Oh and did I mention I had to pick up the kids early because my youngest daughter was running a fever of 105? So, yes, I was a puffy-eyed, makeup-less, overwhelmed mess when I met her.

It was very awkward to feel the energy shift in the room. I'm not sure the ex felt comfortable about it. He did seem a bit more spastic.

Ahh... it reminded me of the time I confronted the cunt he was fucking while I was pregnant lady he was having an affair with. I immediately looked at her, judged her and thought, "she's not even prettier than me!" That poor chick couldn't win. If she'd have looked better than me, I'd have hated her. And when she didn't, I hated her anyway.

BUT that's a story for another blog post.

The point is: it is awkward being the new love of someone's ex and it's awkward meeting your love's ex. And it's just as awkward meeting the love of your ex as it is being the ex. Period.

Did ya'll get that?

My ex-husband seems happy. My kids are happy with her. My kids are also happy with my Gentleman. I am happy.

Guess that's all that matters and the rest will come out in the wash.


  1. Oh, you are a much better person than I am. And, for the record, my ex's new girl is having a horrible time filling my shoes. (So the kids and the ex reports...) That makes me happy.

    Of course, being with S makes me happiest. And that's good for all of us.

  2. First, I hope your daughter is feeling better. And your puppy, too. I also hope you got some hot tea and a good night's sleep.
    Knowing you, you will take the time to communicate with this new woman in your kids' lives -- and I commend you for stepping back and seeing the whole, big picture. xoxo

  3. So,...I have what I call,...Wife-in-laws. Let's see, there's my first husband's 2nd wife. There's my late husband's 1st wife, my current husband's 2nd wife. Geez, why do I feel I left someone out? At any rate, we all get along.

  4. I have really come to decide that we really are just better relationship material later on in life. I think that just might be true for your ex as well as for you.

    It's all good.

  5. Oh wow - I have had the exact same experience this weekend. Meeting the ex and his new girlfriend (and her two girls) at their new house that he bought for "his new family" after only a couple of months together (ok, I'm obviously still processing all that) was like being winded. I don't want him, I'm happy because my kids are happy, but it is still so hard to see my ex living the life we had planned to live together, but instead of me there is a slim blonde with great boobs living it with him instead. And yes you can't help but compare, I feel like I match up in my own way, but it is hard.

    At the end of the day, she is wonderful to my boys, their lives are better for it, and it stops him harrassing me, so whats not to like? But yeah - it's a tough moment to go through all the same.

  6. I have met the exs girlfriend - a while ago already!

    She is nice - I am prettier though :-p BUT despite that she is better for him than me! So I wish them both well - genuinely!

    Honestly I felt nothing towards her or towards their relationship - NOTHING!

    But our relationship is fulled with bitter resentment - more from his side!

  7. I've introduced my ex to only 2 of my past girlfriends, always on my terms and always in public places. Not that I am intentionally trying to control the situation but I honestly believe that if my ex could befriend the Queen she would do so in a moments notice. Those are two stories that I always want to keep separated.

  8. There's a part in the book "Little Children" in which the wife suspects her hubby's having an affair with another park mom, and then she meets her. "She's not even pretty!" is how the mom, a pretty, fit blonde, thinks.

    Of course, he IS having an affair with her. And so it goes ....

    If he's happy, you're happy and the kids are happy ... all's good.

    Hope kids get better soon; the puppy will (poor baby!)

  9. Not that I am all that but I have found that my ex is still the same jackass that he was with me. Even the new wife has called to talk to me about him. Makes me feel better sorta but bad for her. Now someone else has to deal with his anger issues. :(

  10. I feel nothing but remorse and pity for the new boyfriend's of my Ex. I can't help but to look at them and think, "you poor dumb bastard". I'm sure my Ex thinks the same when she meets the latest love of my life as well.

  11. Yep, got it. Well said.

    I don't have to worry about meeting my ex's new love. I knew him before. He was a friend of hers, and he's a sleazy geeky douchetobaggan. (Everyone who's met him or seen pictures agrees that Skeezgeek is the perfect nickname for him.)

    It was when she started dating him that I realized I was totally over her. Because no one who would have sex with THAT could ever be my soul mate.

    P.S. My word verification was "predamp." Coincidence?

  12. Hey, you are right, at the bottom of your post...he's happy, you're happy. All good. And if you didn't judge her appearance, I'm convinced you wouldn't be human, nor female ;-P

  13. Oh I feel you! I really do. The thing is my ex is remarried to the woman he cheated with. I rise above, I really try to as much as possible. But I think the same things, all the time!! I'm in the best relationship ever...because I'm different and I'm with a different person. But, sometimes the picture of the happy family makes me feel quite down. Just do the best you can...always. And be a little catty--sometimes it's good for the soul :)

  14. Good for you for looking at the big picture for your girls! I am a big beliver in everythig happens for a reason.

  15. Hi T,

    I pray for my Ex-Wife all the time...


    And then I go about my business with my Beautiful, LONG blonde haired, big green eyed, large breasted girlfriend and don't think anything about her...

    Karma has a way of working out...

  16. Think you could use a lot of energy thinking about the ex's girlfriend and it really doesn't matter. You said it all in the last sentence.

    But ... what do you think she said to your ex??


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