Thursday, January 27, 2011

Settling for Mediocrity

Annnnnd *crash!*

I have been so excited about the task I chose to take on at work. I've been firehosed with information overload about it since last week. Everyday I've had to learn to be discerning about what applies to me and what doesn't. Then just as quickly as I was excited about it, I hit a wall and that glee was gone.

Overwhelmed.

I think what it comes down to.... is that I need help. I cannot do it alone. But at my job, I handle SO many tasks that I can't focus on any of them long enough to be good at them. In large companies, they have entire groups of people that take on each of the responsibilities that I do, as a single person for this company.

Then, in the middle of all of this, my handsome fisherMAN sent me pictures of the GIANT ASS fish he caught in practice for a very large tournament he's competing in this weekend. He's so good at that. He's such a bad ass!

And it hit me.

I don't feel like I can be a bad ass at ANYTHING because I have to do EVERYTHING.

It's not just at work either. Even at home, as a single mother, I have to be the chef, maid, house maintenance person, car maintenance person, yard maintenance person, child and puppy maintenance person! Honestly, those labels don't even scratch the surface. I won't be a gourmet in the kitchen, have the amazing yard, a clean house where everything is in working order or a car that doesn't have something that requires fixing.

I have to get used to that. You'd think I would be, by now, right?

My meals will be okay. My house will look nice and livable. My car will get me from point A to point B. I am happy with these things! Don't get me wrong! Sometimes though, I want just a wee bit better than I can do. But pushing myself to get it all done... and in that perfect way that I imagine? Well... that doesn't make me a happy person either.

I'd love to be that friend who remembers thank you cards and birthday cards. I'd love to take my mom out for nice dinners. I'd like to take my girls to Disney World. Until then, my kids will have to settle for staycations in or around town. Mom and I will go dutch and my friends? They're my friends cause they get me, ya know?

Even when it comes to blogging, I feel mediocre. There are a ton more blogs out there that make mine pale in comparison. Sometimes, I think I should shrink back and say, "Go read this blog instead of mine" and silently do my journaling in MS Word at home.

Don't even get me started on my physical fitness. I'd love to be a kick-ass Ironman triathlete or have a ripped body but dear lord that takes loads of time. When I did triathlons before, I literally squeezed in my training late at night while the kids were in bed. Lack of sleep then stopped me from being good at much of anything at work. Which brings us full circle.

When I confessed this to my Gentleman, he gave me a line about how my "definition of mediocrity was someone else's greatness". That was really sweet and I appreciate it. I'm sure he's right. I should know better than to compare myself to anyone else's greatness... Besides, I know what he gives up trying to do so that he can focus on being the most fantastical, bad ass fisherman he is.

I am doing the best I can with what I've got. I have to learn to appreciate that I AM able to accomplish as much as I can, a "jill of all trades" and give up the notion of being awesome at any of them, a "master of none." At least for now.

Still, I remember the days when I could focus on doing ONE THING right. And I felt pretty damn awesome.

I miss that.

18 comments:

  1. "My definition of mediocrity was someone else's greatness"

    That's an awesome quote. And it's absolutely true. You're just being too hard on yourself.

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  2. please don't stop blogging! wanted to get that out there first LOL

    and maybe you are a badass multitasker!!!! you may not do all of the tasks badask but could anyone else do all you do???? no LOL so that is your badass!!!

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  3. Ohhhhhhhhh I can so relate to this. I either wish I could do one, just one, thing exceedingly well, or that there were 36 hours in a day.

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  4. Good god I have so much to say. But I would be yelling and lecturing you so I won't. You are amazing woman!
    You are a total bad ass at so much. Geesh, when you get out here I am going to go Bad ass on your ass!!!!!

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  5. Hahahaha! Oh D, that comment cracked me up!

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  6. Oh, I agree. I often feel the same way. I think it's a matter of changing your expectations...make a list of what you would like to do, in general, and then get specific. It doesn't mean you have to get it done by the end of the month. It may be years before it gets done. But it sometimes helps me to get it down on paper and commit to the intent of it, if that makes sense.

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  7. I think you are totally being too hard on yourself. Like whoa. As for the blogging comment, um, your blog is one of a few that I completely admire and wish mine lived up to YOURS! Honestly. Chin up my dear, you ARE great!

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  8. Please don't consider not blogging....ok? Thanks!

    I can totally relate to this. And I bet we aren't alone.

    Hang in there. By the way. That man of yours is right. Bet you know that.

    Hugs!

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  9. Wow, I can relate to this and I am just a SAHM.

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  10. I can really identify with this post. I've put on 10 lbs in the last year, my fitness sucks right now and I've got a new project at work that is drowning me in information and tasks. I took vacation days today and tomorrow b/c of Veronica's surgery this afternoon, yet I brought work home with me, I can NOT get behind.

    What can we do? Just keep plugging along and doing our best, I suppose...

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  11. You know what? You ARE doing one thing right: Being T. I know, I know...it sounds corny, but all of those things, those different aspects of yourself, are what help to make you the bad-ass woman we all know and love!

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  12. Bummer. I just wrote out a comment and it disappeared.

    I was semi-venting to a friend about this earlier in the week. I do and have tried a lot of different things and I do them semi-well but I feel like I'm not really steallar at any single thing.

    I saw a news story about this in relation to kids and school; Are we so concerned about being well rounded do we miss out on letting kids focus in and excell on the one or two things that they are naturally inclined toward.

    I know it's frustrating for someone who wants to be successful and do their best in everything, but remember there are people out there that look at you and think, "Damn, I wish I could do 1/2 of what she does." You are living your life very well!

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  13. And, this, my friend, is part of being alive and well in America.

    Like just about everyone else reading your post, I could have written practically the same things...except about being a kick-ass triathlete. Shoot, at this point, I'll be happy if I can go 3 days in a row of getting up early to do a few bicep curls -- and that's with 8 lb weights! :)

    What you're feeling is perfectly normal, so let it wash over you and don't be hard on yourself. You really are doing great.

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  14. Im not a single mom right now, but I have been there. I know how easy it is to get down on yourself.

    I think all sigle moms rock cause they have 100 more things to do than the average married mom.

    Its a tough job no doubt, but alot of married moms look at them in awe at how kickass they are, cause they are doin it all, all by themselves. and rockin it.

    Keep on keeping on. Your awesome.

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  15. After reading this post, I can think of at least one thing you're a master of.

    Speaking of fishing, I happen to be a "master" baiter.

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  16. Oh, T. I understand being overwhelmed. You are going to be fine. It just won't feel like it for a really long time. Life will just take some time adjusting to. And remember...it's amazing what we can get used to.

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  17. I can understand the feeling of trying to do everything and feeling like nothing is getting done. But you do the best you can and when you can do better you do better.

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  18. You know what, you can't be good at everything, but you are great at a few things. You're great at this blog. You're a great parent. You're a great girlfriend. So you don't have time to be great at everything else, so what? Who's putting that pressure on you. Only you, T. Only you.

    I wish I could find the story, but a friend once told me about "That guy." When you lined up for your very first race, you looked around and saw someone just ahead of you bolt when the gun went off. He stayed ahead of you the whole time and finished strong. You wanted to be just like "that guy" someday. Later, you were a middle-of-the-pack person and you looked ahead of you to someone who is about a minute/mile faster and wanted to be "that guy". And you continue to do the same with everyone else, never content. But you forget that you are now someone else's "that guy" who is behind you. Look around to what you're doing. What you've accomplished. T, in a lot of areas, you ARE "that guy". :)

    kk

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