An Open Letter to a Superhero

To you, who is allowing your light to dim,

When we first met, you told me countless stories of the marriage you'd just left. You were still struggling with the divorce and the fact that your ex had moved on with their affair partner.

You were hurting. You felt abused. You felt taken for granted. You felt like you'd lost yourself in all of the efforts to be who you thought your spouse wanted you to be.

I could relate. I was feeling a bit beat up myself. I was going through my own breakup and loss.

We bonded.

Since that day over dinner, as our children played across the playground, oblivious and resilient, I've watched you grow. We've leaned on each other. We've cheered for each other. We've shared even more stories of bitterness and forgiveness and our own resiliency. After every lunch or fast food dining experience so that our kids would "go play" and we could "have our grown up talks", both of us go home with a smile and a little more strength than before.

You call me your best friend. I call you mine.

We bring out each others' superhero.

I see you now, again beaten down. Again, feeling weak. Again with the stories of abuse and hurt. Again feeling lost and taken advantage of in yet another relationship that you're holding on to for far too long.

And again I say to you... You're worth more than this.

If you were just venting, I'd understand. You hear me vent. You've seen my frustration and fear. We both know how difficult relationships can be.

You also hear me swoon and gush and glow with pride at how supported and loved I feel. You've seen me grow and blossom and get even stronger. You've said to me, "I want what you have."

But this... this current relationship you're in? It's not it. If you could share with me some goodness about it! If you could tell me something that it ADDS to your life and who you wish to be! Why isn't this relationship or your partner bringing out YOUR SUPERHERO?! That's what relationships should do!

If you could look at me and say, "I want this. I want where this relationship is taking me!" then I would give you blessings and support.

Instead I hear you say, "this is not me." and "i'm acting so differently than who i thought i was." and "i guess i'll keep trying to please and see if i can make my partner happy... once and for all."

Well, it's not about you. Your partner is sad, lost, co-dependent, selfish, hateful, mean, spiteful and personally? I want to go kick some ass.

And I usually LOVE everybody!

But this person is messing with my friend. My friend who is worth more. My friend who is allowing this again. Perhaps it is YOUR ass I should kick?

Ah yes, again I'm reminded that it is *your* path and *your* lessons to learn.

My friend.... you, for some reason, invited yet another destructive relationship into your life. Perhaps only to find out.... "Can I actually see my worth and not take the abuse this time?"

I say to you: Only YOU can answer the question you're asking yourself.

I will be here either way.

Love you.
T