Tuesday, August 23, 2011
If you want to date someone like me... a Public Service Announcement
I have to admit, I'm uber happy that I'm not dating right now.
My Gentleman has raised the bar and because of what I've learned in my past relationships, I think I'd be very difficult to "shop for".
Because of that, and because I know there are super awesome single women out there reading this RIGHT NOW, I thought I should do a PSA for single men looking to date someone like me.
Scenario 1) Let's imagine, for a moment, that I see you at the gym. You look handsome, fit and healthy. From the onset, I would imagine that you take good care of yourself.
Is this a wrong first impression? Do you take care of yourself or do you only wish to look good?
Because I believe there's a difference between "working out to have a body that looks good" versus maintaining a healthy diet, listening to your body and honoring it, being active because it feels good rather than "it'll make me look hot" and consistently striving towards health versus "I'll starve myself and work out daily until someone finds me attractive and then I won't try anymore". I believe it's more authentic and long lasting than only trying to land a sexy girlfriend.
Health leads to happiness and happiness is sexy as hell.
Scenario 2) Now let's imagine I see you out at a professional networking event. You're dressed in designer clothes and are walking towards a very expensive car. I would also imagine that you live in a large home or in a well-established part of the city.
If we began dating, you'd take me to the top notch restaurants and send me amazing bouquets of flowers. You'd offer to pay for vacations and never let me pick up the tab at dinner. By all accounts, you have a great source of income, are very romantic and want to take care of your girl.
Is this a wrong first impression?
Because I believe there is a difference between throwing money around to impress and actually having a healthy respect for your income. Are you charging everything on credit and secretly hiding that you are, in fact, in very deep debt? Do you spend recklessly and selfishly but have no idea at all how to pay it off? Or do you budget and save? Are you able to set aside money for fun and still pay your bills on time?
Are you really that giving and romantic? Because if you aren't, you're setting up really high expectations for YOURSELF with someone. You can't complain when your girlfriend starts to use phrases such as "You used to..."
Even beyond that, I would also assume you have a wonderful job that you love or, perhaps if you don't, you are inspired to move beyond it, knowing your value and when it's time to make a change. I would hope that you have a healthy work/life balance. And of course, in our initial conversations, you share with me how you love your job and how you know when to leave work at work. You tell me everything I want to hear.
Is this a wrong first impression?
Because I believe there is a difference between pretending to be someone you're not and actually being honest and real with someone. We all find ourselves in situations, jobs or otherwise, that don't serve us. Are you going to remain stagnant and let it get you down... or will you be motivated to move on? Can you find the positive where you are or freeze in analysis paralysis and hope that I will stay depressed with you?
Because that ain't happening. I have my moments of funk, trust me, but I always move past them. Can you?
Scenario 3) Let's imagine that we've been dating and have decided to have sex for the first time. Obviously, there is chemistry. Obviously, we're both going to feel the heat and do our best to impress/please each other.
But, please... Is this a wrong first impression too?
Do you have a good attitude about sex or are you just doing what you can to "hook" me? Are you secretly hiding a porn or strip club addiction even when you know I'm open to enjoying those things too and even including them as part of an awesome sex life? Are you interested in discovering all that there is to be enjoyed with me or is it just about you getting off? Are you THAT uncomfortable and shameful about your sexuality that you won't completely open up to me?
If you're going to be in a relationship with me, I expect honest, open, authenticity.
No hiding. No secrets.
And that starts with first impressions and dating.
That starts with YOU taking care of YOU.
Not to impress me. Not to land me. Not to make me believe you're someone you're not.
Maybe I sound like a hard ass or a bitch. Maybe it seems like my standards are high. But I promise you this:
Everything I just wrote about up there? I hold MYSELF to the same standards. I have the same expectations of me.
I would rather date someone who's honest about his financial situation than someone who hides it. I would rather date someone who knows his weaknesses and accepts himself for who he is than someone who pretends he's someone else. I would rather be with someone who wants to experience and learn new things with me than to be with someone who acts like he's been there, done that.
If you're pretending, you will be found out sooner or later. I promise. I'll have more respect for you, even if we didn't work out, because you were honest than I would if you were lying the whole time.
Be you. Be true. Be real.
Is that too much to ask?
Can I get an AMEN from the gals?
Guys, don't you expect the same from us?