Thursday, August 11, 2011

An open letter to those I'm currently not speaking to:

First of all, don't assume that silence means withholding love or forgiveness. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Talking will not fix anything because perception gets in the way. You have yours. I have mine.

Does that mean I'm judging you?

Probably. But if I've learned anything while studying spirituality it's that I'm human and I will judge.

What I've also learned is that I don't have to judge myself for judging because MY JUDGMENTS DON'T MATTER.

My judgment, just as my advice, doesn't mean diddly to you and the decisions you'll make in your life because your perception is yours, and yours alone. And that's okay with me!


I absolutely mean it!

Go, be, do whatever it is you feel you need to do with your life. You're going to do it anyway, aren't you?

Of course you are! It's your life!

It really doesn't matter what I or anyone else thinks, does it?

Of course not! It's your life!

I swear that's okay! Really!

Are you upset that I'm not speaking to you because you feel that I'm not accepting where or who you are right now?

Quite the contrary, I'm completely accepting of who and where you are. I'm also completely accepting that who you are is someone I do not wish to be around. Why is that a problem?

Are you upset because I don't agree with your perception?

Because, I hate to tell you, every single person on this planet has a different perception so in a majority of cases, we won't agree on much.

Can't we just agree to disagree?!

Here's the difference between you and me: I am not going to try to convince you to see things my way.

Does it frustrate me?

Yes. But I have faith that we'll agree again one day (or not) and may or may not come into each others' lives again. I imagine it frustrates you as well that I don't see things your way. However I don't want to be beat over the head one million times with your "story" so that you feel validated in your perception.

It's okay with me that our stories are different. Really!

What you're seeing is me allowing you your story. What you're seeing is me letting you go on your journey knowing that you have your own way and nothing I say or do or see can change the course. Even if I could change your course, there is nothing that says my perception is correct either. It isn't my journey to take!

What you're seeing is ME HONORING MYSELF... something that perhaps you're not used to seeing. Sure, I could easily continue to be around you and listen to you and be.... completely.... drained... and .... sucked... dry. I could. But, and it's quite okay to call me selfish, I've had a triathlon I've been training for. I have a full time job and another part time business I'm starting for an extra source of income. I am also running a household alone. And, let us not forget most importantly, I'm responsible for the care, feeding and raising of two wonderful, strong, independent little girls!

Somewhere in there, I also have to make sure I'm a damn good person to inspire those children to be the same. That means making sure I'm healthy. That means making sure I am happy. That means making sure I can go into life gently and with humor, even on those days when it's difficult to laugh. That means removing drama and toxicity from my life... even if it seems real and justified to those I'm removing. That means being forgiving, loving and accepting of others.

And in order to offer that to others, I have to offer it to myself.

I forgive myself for judging you. I forgive myself for removing you from my life. I love myself for nurturing me and I accept who I am in this moment.

I offer the same to you.

From a distance and with my silence.


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