Monday, August 22, 2011
Saudade* - Long(ing) Distance Relationship
It has been a tough few days for Gentleman Jack and I because we weren't able to get together this past weekend.
I felt fine, I thought, as I was busily enjoying a weekend with my daughters. What I did notice, however, was that when I'd receive a text from Jack or when we spoke by phone, I was a big grouch-bucket.
I think sometimes, I simply get tired of our methods of communication. They're still so lacking, you know? I get tired of the phone. I get tired of texting. I want touch. I want skin.
Now it's only been a little over 2 weeks since we last saw each other.
Why on earth does it feel like it's been forever since then?
Maybe it's because we had a house full of people on my last visit there. My mother and my children came with and he had his kids too.
Maybe it's because it was his visit that had to be put off this past weekend due to finances. That's a definite +1 for an "in town" relationship. When either of you are broke, you can still hang out at home and do nothing.
Maybe it's because the last time we saw each other, we noticed even more how well we handle each other under stress. I was concerned about an elbow issue (that is still giving me fits) and really beginning to worry about how I'd do during the swim portion of my triathlon. Not to mention a house full of kids.... who are getting along better and better.
Or... maybe it's because... the last time I visited, we couldn't get enough of each other.
Like when I was trying to unpack my car upon arrival to his home. He came out to assist... of course, being a gentleman and all. I was wearing a long comfortable sundress. I backed into him accidentally and his hand touched my backside. (OK, he touched my ass. The feel of the cottony dress left little to his imagination.) Forget it, in an instant, it was ON. We had to whisk away to his laundry room so we wouldn't be caught by little eyes...
Let's just say that over that weekend, I was in top form in my triathlon and otherwise. *big grin*
We've both been a little sensitive lately too. We've been feeling such a *NEED* for each other.
Like last night, on the phone, when I told him I missed his presence. I miss everything about us but just knowing he's close, somewhere in the house, feels so good for me.
"I agree." he said, "I miss your company and making love to you but mostly? I miss being able to PUT MY HANDS ON YOU. You bring me such peace when you're around."
The kids pick up on it too. All of our kids seem to notice that he and I are much more relaxed and calm when we're together.
But alas... it's a situation with no solution and it works for us, for now. It's only been 2 weeks and only 2 weeks more til we're holding hands again.
I'm glad I'm not the only one looking forward to that.
Like just now, when he texted to say hello, that he was thinking of me. And then texted again to say, "But there again, if I texted every time I thought of you... it would drive you bonkers."
I love my man.
Saudade a Portuguese word that can be translated as "longing, yearning", which describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for something or someone that one loves and which is apart.