And that's a whole other blog post.
Yesterday the sermon was about dating. I loved that my children received the message that their primary relationship is with their higher self. In this case, the pastor said "Jesus". I've also used the phrase "Holy Spirit". Some say "The Universe". Or simply "Higher Self", "Love", "God", "A Greater Power"... etc. In other words, the relationships here, on this earthly plane, should take second nature to the relationship with Who You Really Are.
I've written before that I find it's easier to be spiritual when I'm single. Human relationships can rock us to our very core. They seem so real and good and painful and orgasmic and excruciating. It is difficult to remember, in the midst of all of those feelings, that we are, first and foremost, spiritual beings having a human experience.
Simply put, we are BETTER in our human relationships when we take care of our SPIRITUAL relationship first.
As an example, I have a wonderful friend, another single dad, who is in a very damaging relationship.
He is divorced and his first priority is to his children. His girlfriend, however, has never been married and has no children. Her first priority is to make sure he meets her needs.
He is, quite possibly, one of the kindest men I know. He is probably a better mother than I am! He would do anything for anyone that he cares about. Thus, he has spent the past few years doing anything and everything she has asked from him in order to "make her happy". On a personal level, he understands that it is not up to her to make him happy. He knows that happiness is a choice and he is doing his damnedest to be happy despite the fact that she constantly puts him down, picks fights with him every time they're together, and nags him when he is with his children or when he's alone because she is jealous that he wants to spend time with someone other than her. When he includes her in his family time, she again gets jealous when he is affectionate with his children. He knows he can't make her happy and yet, he keeps trying.
It's rather frustrating to watch.
Obviously she is relying on him for her happiness. She has forgotten her relationship with her Higher Self. She would rather blame him for her unhappiness than to take responsibility. She is pointing at him and shrieking in anger... forgetting her other 3 fingers are pointing back at her.
He also chooses to remain in this relationship for fear of "being the bad guy". He already IS the bad guy though, isn't he? After all, who does she blame for her unhappiness?
I'll admit that I've fallen into this trap myself, at times. Isn't it easy to do so? It seems so much easier to blame someone else rather than to look at our own demons - or rather - rise above the perceived battles we're fighting and remember that we are not who we think we are.
I told my daughters that if they can remember their True Selves and that the true Love in their lives is with the spirit that created them, then they'll handle all relationships just fine. Because with that, they'll naturally (1) learn how to fight respectfully or by not engaging at all (2) learn how to say I'm sorry because they'd rather be happy than right (3) learn how not to take things personally.... and so many other powerful lessons that I've written in this blog....and those I'm still learning.
It was a great lesson for them and a great reminder for me.
"For God Himself created the only relationship that HAS meaning, and that is His relationship with YOU."
A Course in Miracles