My kids have an hour to get ready for school but they take their own sweet time. It works out, most days, that we're able to walk to school and still get there with minutes to spare. This morning, however, my oldest daughter was not focused.
She wanted to choose what her younger sister would wear to school. In her mind she was doing something nice. I'll admit, my oldest has a wonderful eye for fashion whereas my youngest is happiest in sweats and a t-shirt. But that's just it. My youngest is happiest in sweats and a t-shirt. So when she refused to put on the cute outfit her sister had chosen, my oldest child melted into a 2-year-old's tantrum.
Because she thought she was doing something nice, that she knew better and since it was refused, she got upset because she realized she had no control over her sister at all.
She once did. My baby used to allow her older sister to dress her up like a doll. She still does occasionally. As she's grown older, however, she's developed a mind of her own, much to the chagrin of her older sister.
I could relate to how my oldest child felt.
It's how *I* feel every time I think I know better too.
This is the same reason I've pulled back and away from certain relationships in my life. It's not that the people are toxic... it's that my reaction to them is.
I am now working with an energy coach. During yesterday's session, she pointed out that I'm attracted to (what she called) "upside down" people.
"You are attracted and want to heal these people the way you've healed yourself."
Boy is she on to something! Yes! I feel like I've had some serious life experience and it literally pains me when I try to give a heads up on how someone can do things differently and they don't listen. Watching my 10 year old melt into a shrieking mess of frustration, I saw myself. She forgot to eat breakfast she was so angry. Then on the walk to school, she was still crying and emotional about it.
Will she be a mini-me or will my own life lessons help her?
See? There I go again.
The truth is, we're all "upside down" people. Sure I have some crazy-ass experiences that may or may not help the next person but they have to be OPEN to it. I can't force anyone to follow my advice.
Nor do I understand the path they've chosen, the path that's been chosen for them or the life experiences they choose. No one could have told me what I was "supposed" to do. If they did, I ignored the advice and had my own experiences anyway.
And, just like my younger child, everyone knows when they're happiest. I think what hurts me is that people say they aren't happy and yes, it takes work to make different choices than what you've been making, but to continue making the same choices and then still say you're still unhappy? Well, that's more than I can stand.
That's when I have to walk away. That's when I have to pull back and take care of me. That's when I have to have faith that the decisions will change when the pain exceeds the pleasure. Because yes, from what I can tell, it appears that the decisions are a choice for pain. We hurt ourselves on purpose. Just like this morning when I made and told my daughter to eat breakfast but she was so focused on being angry that she "chose" not to eat. Now, she's suffering through her morning classes with no nutrition.
Just like me, when I find myself attracted to the situations I've already lived through so that I can share my experience and hope to heal someone else like I've healed myself. I'm actively choosing to fail. My life experience also tells me that people must live their own lives and it will piss me off that they do. I hope that my awareness of this helps. I do not wish to fail or go toxic anymore.
It's time to make better decisions. Don't you think?